forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
