How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Blood and glitter go together right?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
