So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize