i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
