hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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