Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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