I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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