Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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