are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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