You made me cry and you don't even care
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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