The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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