This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
