his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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