shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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