he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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