Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
