Porn is love you can see.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
