First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
