Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
