I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
