i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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