i think my tv is drunk
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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