i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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