We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
