Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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