i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize