the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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