Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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