and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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