New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
