the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
