I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
