6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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