we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
