I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
