Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize