Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
