this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You made out with two different species that night
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
