This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
