so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
