dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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