ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
