I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
