sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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