whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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