If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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