Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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