If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
