If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
