Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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