So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
