Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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