Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
