why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
