They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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