She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
