I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
