And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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