I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
