Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
