if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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