whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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