I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
