What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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