mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
