Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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