she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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