I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how can u be prego again
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
