Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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