Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
