hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize