My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
