Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
