We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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