a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
