I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
