I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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