One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
