Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
